Businesses, they tend to make great leaps in losing their ethics. It becomes a sudden race to make as many sales as possible, no matter what it takes. Even if it means dusting off those lists they haven’t used in a couple years or somehow acquiring new lists of prospects. It’s amazing how much more unsolicited email I get from about mid November until mid January. It’s far more often than I get aggressively stalked for my parking space, that’s for sure!

So for anyone wondering, no matter the time of year, keep opt-in rules in mind. Treat others as you’d like to be treated, and if you like getting unsolicited emails…well treat them how a normal person would like to be treated. Unless they really truly asked you to contact them (and they did it recently at that!) don’t do it. And if they did ask you to contact them, respect them and don’t send 2 emails a day about that sale they just have to know about. Spread a little holiday cheer by not pissing people off.

Oh and if you’re one of those people who likes to trample others and becomes rude and aggressive in mall parking lots, cut that out too please.

A couple of weeks ago we were watching Stephen King’s The Stand (it really hasn’t held up to the test of time, but that’s another story) and it got me thinking–if the apocalypse were to strike would I even notice? I mean honestly, those are the kind of things that pop into my head these days, I have a bit more time on my hands than I used to and the silence of the house makes you think odd things, but it’s a valid point. I can go a week or more without stepping a foot outside, unless I want the mail. I wouldn’t actually physically talk to other people if I didn’t live with someone. Unless the cable or power goes out I wouldn’t really notice what’s going on. I think, unless my house actually blew up or zombies broke in, I’d likely survive whatever is going on just due to sheer obliviousness, at least until my next Safeway delivery didn’t show up.

If the apocalypse strikes it won’t be the gun nuts or the people who stocked up on supplies who survive, it’ll be the telecommuters.

A good percentage of my job is direct customer service and no, I’m not amused by customers having a really bad experience; absolutely not and in no way shape or form! I will bend over backwards to try and make sure people have the best experience possible and end a conversation with me with all their questions answered or sometimes even wanting to buy me a beer. However, another large part of my job is talking to people about best practices and permission. I talk to them about what spam is and why they can’t send to that list where someone supposedly opted in to hear from 3rd parties, they purchased a list or recipients said “sure you can contact me” a decade ago and you’re just now getting in touch. No, no and definitely not! These are the situations that tend to lead to some very passionate discussions about how I’m unreasonable, horrible and how the sender will just go to our competitors rather than live with such draconian rules (don’t I know it’s legal?).

So why is it amusing? Because not only am I trying to do my part to spread some of the great knowledge out there about best practices, rules, and striving for not only permission but engagement, but I also know that so are our competitors. Those customers just have another passionate and likely friendly (and often more patient than they deserve) conversation headed their way. If we all keep it up, hopefully someday these conversations will stop as everyone out there will finally get it. I’m probably just dreaming, but oh what a pleasant dream it is.

As of March 30th the number of mailing lists I’ve somehow ended up on have totaled 11, only 1 of which is a list I actually subscribed to. How did this happen you ask? Well essentially it’s ignorance of best practices and people going for quantity over quality.

Rather than going into the myriad of missteps taken I’m just going to say a little bit about how it should work:

First, if someone hands you their business card after meeting you, that is not permission to add them to your list. It’s permission to send them an email yourself, and if you want you can say “hey I have this great newsletter, if you’re interested go here to subscribe.” But you can’t just add them based on being handed a card.

Second, if you’re running a competition at your booth, that doesn’t translate to permission to add someone to your newsletter. It’s permission to give them free stuff if they win. You should have an optional sign up form to let people subscribe if they’re interested, don’t just opt them in. Even if you put up a sign “if you enter my competition, I will add you to my list” it still isn’t kosher. How many people really paid attention to that sign in their frenzy to get a free iPad? They need to explicitly ask.

Third, have a sign up form at your booth. Ask people if they want to be added to your mailing list. Then, a few days later, a week at the most, send them a confirmation. Thank them for signing up at the conference, tell them that they’re on your list and this is what they can expect to receive, this is how often they can expect to get it and this is what email address you’ll be sending it from (so they can add you to their address book). They made a mistake or they just don’t want to receive it after all? Give them a link to opt out with no hassles. Or, go one step further and make them click to confirm their subscription (double opt-in is always best!).

Ask. It’s that easy. If you haven’t explicitly asked, you don’t have permission.

And if someone’s business card mentions email marketing, really, don’t add them anyway despite my recommendations. We likely know someone on the abuse desk at the ESP you’re using. I’m more likely to unsubscribe than complain at first email (don’t remove me and it’s another story), but don’t be surprised if you add me to your list without permission and then suddenly get an email from me talking about best practices!

As someone who stands in the middle I’m often the arbiter of these disputes. I’m the person who puts the brakes on those attempts to send completely irrelevant information out to lists and who has to have those amazingly difficult conversations with people about how they may see it as being relevant and recognizable, but the people on their list may not. It’s tougher than it sounds.

After spending many, many hours looking at the issue and debating with end users over their attempts to send out emails that simply aren’t meaningful to their lists and their subscribers I’m starting to think that part of the problem is that feeling of ownership. If everyone would just take a step back and realize that these aren’t your lists, that these are human beings who may (or in some case may not but that’s another story) have asked to hear from you about a specific topic. That doesn’t give you ownership over that address. It doesn’t mean you can suddenly send them anything you want because they once upon a time expressed interest in your company or your product. You don’t own them.

Maybe it harkens to that distasteful area of list purchase and rental. Where you were “buying” addresses or “renting” their usage for a certain amount of time. Well those addresses certainly didn’t belong to the sellers either. Email addresses are not a commodity to be bartered and sold. Let’s stop thinking about them that way. Don’t think of a list as something you want to blast to. Think of it as having a conversation with people. You want that conversation to be relevant to what they asked for. You aren’t shouting into an empty room just hoping and praying someone, somewhere, is listening to you. Have some respect.

A few things that doesn’t mean. It means you can’t say on a form “if you don’t want to hear from me click here” or say later “they can always just unsubscribe” and add them anyway. They need to explicitly opt-in first by checking a box saying something like “please add me to your mailing list” or explicitly asking you to add them to your list. You want everyone on your list to have explicitly asked to hear from you. Quality over quantity. The happier your subscribers are the more engaged they are. And the more engaged they are the more likely they are to click links, make purchases and walk away with a positive opinion about your company.

So just remember. Set the bar high for your opt-ins. Don’t try and add everyone and their cousin to your list. Make them ask to be added. Because if they truly want to hear from you…then they truly want to hear from you. Sure your list might be smaller than if you tried to add everyone you possibly could, but those are the people who truly want to hear what you’re saying.